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2644 Appian Way #201
Pinole, California 94564
2991 Shattuck Ave. #301-B
Berkeley, CA 94705
The relationship a daughter has with her mother is the most informative and powerful relationship throughout her entire life even as the relationship changes over time. It’s often hard for mothers to appreciate how much influence they hold even once their daughters are fully grown with families of their own. Daughters want to establish their own independence while still retaining a connection while mothers may have a hard time letting go of the mothering role. Adult daughters may still be seeking approval and remain highly sensitive to any perceived criticisms. As much as both people may want it, it can be difficult to move into a mutual, adult friendship.
It is likely that a time will come when the roles are switched and the daughter becomes her mother’s caretaker. Whether done lovingly or begrudgingly, it can be extremely stressful to take on this extra responsibility on top of your own, full life.
As the mother needing to be taken care of, it can be very challenging to adjust to this level of dependency. You may worry about burdening your child. You may experience her efforts to help as intrusive and patronizing. This situation may spur memories and reflections of your own mother and how you were as a mother.
Even after your mother is gone, her influence is still felt. It is difficult to lose your mother no matter how old you are at the time of her death and regardless of how close or distant your relationship might have been. If you relationship was disappointing, her passing may be the catalyst that frees you to examine your grief and loss and come to terms with what was and what wasn’t offered. This process can repair unfinished matters and leave you with a more understanding and loving feeling toward her.